From: Andre Schaapherder
To: Kev Quirk
Subject: Penpal for august checking in
Date: 01 August 2024

Dear Kev,

Excited and also a bit intimidated to be penpals this month given your previous penpals, let's see whare it takes us.

As you correctly noticed I do not have much of an online presence, I am more a reader and occassional responder than an active blog writer or social media poster. I never saw the need for a Twitter/Snapchat/Facebook/Instragram/name your social media site account. A Mastodon account since 2022 is the first step into that area.

My profile on noc.social says "I'm just me (and I am getting pretty good at it). Husband, father, project manager, Dutch, reader, walker, tinkerer with linux/virtualisation/bsd. In no particular order." Sums it up quite nicely but let me expand a bit. I'm 54, work as a project manager in the internal infrastructure team of a large imaging company, married with three daughters (20,19 and 14). The oldest have left home already; the 20 year old daughter just finished two years in Madrid and will continue in Charlotte, NC for the next two years of university and the 19 year old leaves for New York next week to start het second year at a dance school there. Luckily we have our 14 year old still with us for a few years. I don't write about them online, I do maintain a website at www.notyour.net for when I feel the need to drop something online. It's been a bit quiet overthere the last couple of months; I don't have writing goals, the site is a target for whenever I feel the need to drop something or break it in interesting ways :-)

I don't remember where I picked up your online presence, on Mastodon on via your website.

I like to listen to music and I just noticed that I passed the 200k scrobble mark on last.fm/ , on my list of things to figure out is a local running app/site that can work with the last.fm data and do some analysis of what I listened to over the years. In addition to listening I like to go to concerts, mostly smaller vanues as I don't enjoy the massive concerts; I maintain a list of concerts I went to over the years and the upcoming ones at https://www.notyour.net/concerten .

How is 500 social doing? I read your initial post and request for comment; the idea is interesting, I might even pop over, still debating that one. Not sure how I would feel about two fediverse accounts; I had an account at a pixelfed instance as well but didn't do much with it and deleted it again. Ah, I just found the live feed on 500.social so I can get a taste of what's happening.

Holiday season is in full swing here, another two weeks before we leave for the US for a good two weeks to drop off the oldest and visit the other on the way back. It IS nice to have them living in other countries, excellent excuse to go and visit them.

Well, over to you while I go and read some more previous penpal conversations. I did peek at a few bits but I wanted to start without too much info.

Cheers,
André

From: Kev Quirk
To: Andre Schaapherder
Subject: RE: Penpal for august checking in
Date: 04 August 2024

Hey André,

No need to be intimated, this is just 2 guys shooting the shit. :)

Having kids a little older sounds like bliss. I can’t wait until mind are proper functioning adults. Our oldest is starting to get his own likes and dislikes about things like music, so I’m enjoying the beginnings of those conversations with him. “Ah dad, not this old song again, it’s rubbish!” is a common one when they’re in the car with me haha.

I did hear him singing TNT by AC/DC the other day though, so my “rubbish” music must be having some kind of effect on him. :)

I’ve actually never been to the USA. I work for a large American bank and have always dodged going over there as I have really have no aspirations to visit. If I was to visit, I’d prefer to go off the beaten track and explore, but I obviously can’t do that if I’m in work. We’re headquartered in Charlotte, so if I do visit, it’s likely to be there, coincidentally.

If love music. And like you, much prefer smaller gigs too. Probably the best I’ve been to was Seasick Steve; the atmosphere was amazing. Some recent ones I’ve done were The Dead South and Hayseed Dixie. Both are a little out there, but great bands in their own right.

What kind of music are you into?

It’s holiday season here too. The kids are now off school until September, so we’re frantically trying to find things for them to do. Luckily my wife is very good at that kinda thing. Unfortunately there’s no travels for us this year, we might go on a “staycation” for a few days during the holidays, but we’ll see. We’re thinking about doing the first plane trip with the kids next year, which should be fun.

Best,

Kev

From: Andre Schaapherder
To: Kev Quirk
Subject: RE: Penpal for august checking in
Date: 06 August 2024

He Kev,

You know (I assume) what they say: little kids little problems, big kids big problems. And no we don't have big problems but the problems that arise tend to be bigger as the age increases. Things shift basically. No longer needed to watch them continously, you slide into waiting for them to come home at, hopefully, the agreed time. Even when they already left the house but are home for the summer. You'll find out ;-)

The girls grew up with me listening to whatever I fancied, and me listening to whatever they fancied. And sometimes they caught on to a number; I remember playing The tourist by Sophie Hunger over and over again in the car and singing that together, dancing and jumping across the room on Outkast's Hey ya! and Robbie Williams' Let me entertain you. Even a Pixies song for a short while (can't remember which one anymore) but they soon developped their own tastes and interests. If I have tried to give them anything music wise is to be open for everything and don't make fun of someone else's taste. Music is played for yourself, not to please others. Although it is fun to share and discover.

For myself, my musical taste is broad. I listen to al lot of music, both old and new, and sometimes something clicks. I don't do genres/styles and generally listen to everything although genres like death metal etc don't make me very happy. I also don't have favorite artists, I seldom like everything and artist created over the years. Looking at my concert list (https://www.notyour.net/concerten/) what I recently enjoyed very much was a day/evening in TivoliVredenburg in Utrecht (beautiful place with multiple halls/rooms) where Olafur Arnalds brought together national and international artists. Very different styles and a magnificent closing set from Kiasmos. And the concert from the Smile was so good. But also Kristin Hersh all by herself with just a guitar was something behold. Really looking forward to the Andreas Vollenweider concert as well, something completely different, he plays a harp that is amplified (and modified I believe) and has been doing that since the 80ies.

My Last.fm profile (https://www.last.fm/user/aschaapherder) has most of the stuff I listen to (radio excluded), just look at the loved songs and see it go all over the place. This year alone I bought minimal techno dance, classical music, jazz old an new, pop, alternative, rock. I buy what I like. And growing up in the 70ies and 80ies I picked up healthy dose of 60ies music while I slowly found my own taste adding things like prog, new age, funk and stuff that is not easily categorised when I left home and started my studies.

Holiday season is halfway through for us and is a different thing than it was when the kids were younger. The middle one will catch a plane back to New York tomorrow morning and the rest of us will follow her next week. And we will fly back with only three :-) Weird when I write it down but we're all OK with it.

Kids are never too young to travel, unless they get anxious. We took the oldest girls with us on a trip through South Africa in 2007 when they were they were almost four and two years old; again a year later and through Namibia in 2010. So many great memories, also for them. Do you already have a destination in mind for the first plane trip with the kids?

On the subject of multiple Mastodon accounts, do you make a distinction between your accounts?

Enough for now.

Cheers,
André

From: Kev Quirk
To: Andre Schaapherder
Subject: RE: Penpal for august checking in
Date: 12 August 2024

Hey André,

Sorry it took a few days for me to reply. Things have been crazy for me. I took an unexpected promotion in work last and things have been crazy since. Hopefully things will settle down in the coming weeks as I settle in, we shall see. :)

Anyway, that’s a serious list of concerts that you’ve been to see - very impressive. I haven’t been to near that many, but I might look at doing something similar to you.

You know, I’ve never used LastFM. I never even knew what it was until I just clicked about the site - I assumed it was a streaming service. I didn’t realise it simply there to log your listening. I might sign up myself. Does it offer recommendations that you can make use of within your streaming service too? That would be cool, as I’ve found that Apple’s recommendations are nowhere near as good as Spotify’s (I switched a couple years ago).

A few of my friends have said that traveling with young kids is fine. Difficult, but fine. I think my wife and I are going to book something for next year…maybe even for Christmas.

As for Mastodon, I do make a distinction between them. @kev@fosstodon.org is my “public” account. That one has around 26,000 followers, and it’s where things like blog posts, notes and my watch wearing log are syndicated from my site. @kev@500.social is a more personal account, I think. I’m considering changing it to approvals to follow me there, but I’m not sure yet. My thinking for this account is to keep it deliberately small - I want deeper (better?) conversations with fewer people on that one.

I think it will evolve as the 500.social site matures, but for now that seems like a good distinction to me.

Best,

Kev

From: Andre Schaapherder
To: Kev Quirk
Subject: RE: Penpal for august checking in
Date: 14 August 2024

Hey Kev,

No excuseses needed, family first, then work etc and all the rest is a bonus. I saw your announcement about putting the Penpals project on hold, I am happy we can complete this one (if you have the time).

I tend to go to concerts with a small group of people; we toss an interesting concert into a group and anyone who wants to join says so. Sometimes it is with 5 or 6, sometimes 2 and sometimes I go alone. It's a fun way to keep in touch.

Last.fm does have a recommendation link that I never tried before; it pops up a pip video player with a song that does not seem to fit anything I recently played; I closed it. End of experiment :-)
Spotify's recommendations are more a miss than a hit for me; I occassionally glance at the mixes but I prefer to pick up artists and albums via other sources like newsletters/RSS feeds and music websites. I throuw them into one playlist that I use as a placeholder and I listen to things whenever I feel like it. It it sticks I explore the album/artist and sometimes purchase the album via Bandcamp, boomkat.com or artist websites (minimum CD quality, lossless) or I try to find a secondhand CD via Discogs.com. I prefer to have pyed for copy if possible.

We never had problems with travelling when the girls were young. We simply adjusted the pace and the type of travel. Kids are not interested in old city centers or museums but we always added a few of those things to make things intersting for everyone. The Africa trips we made with my inlaws and even one with my inlaws and my mother. Always someone to keep them entertained although driving around in wild parks is often entertainment enough. What can I say, it worked for us. Just give it a try I would suggest. If they are happy you have a good holiday as well and that doesn't mean that it has to be completely centered around them.

I am still lurking on Mastodon, the feeling I have so far it is friendly and fairly ok, I have not seen many discussions. Real discussions I mean, not the question/answer/response type. Not even sure if I am interested in that, in investing time and energy in it. We'll see; I am keeping an eye on 500.social. Maybe I will create a second account.

Do you do any hosting from/at home or is everything cloudbased/hosted? My website is hosted at home, together with my music player, an RSS aggregator and whatever I fancy running internally. Building and maintaining the infra is at least as appealing to me as testing out apps and services.

Well, I'm off to do some packing as we will be flying to the USA tomorrow.

Cheers,
André

From: Kev Quirk
To: Andre Schaapherder
Subject: RE: Penpal for august checking in
Date: 23 August 2024

Hey André

Yeah, I’ve decided to kill the PenPals thing, as it’s another thing for me to keep on top of - it’s great fun, so hardly a chore, but when spare time is getting less and less, something has to give.

Anyway, how is/did the trip to the US going/gone? It was Charlotte, NC you said, right? I’m actually heading there myself in a few weeks for work. Bank of America (my employer) is headquartered in Charlotte, so heading there for a “leadership offsite” for a few days. It’s my first time there and I’m a little nervous - not about going to America, but rather the flight. I’m an uneasy flyer, especially when flying over vast quantities of water, so a hop over the Atlantic really isn’t fun for me. Anyway, I’m sure it will be as good trip.

My wife and I have agreed that we’re definitely going away with the kids next summer, we just need to work out where, and what type of holiday - large resort with all the noise that brings (but is heaven for the kids) or a small villa type holiday that’s more private and allows us to visit places. Wife and I would definitely prefer the latter, just not sure the kids will. Although a private pool would be a lot of fun, I think.

500.social has actually been good for me. Because it’s only 30 or so members, I jump on, check the local feed for 10 minutes, then leave it for a day or 2. It’s a far more healthy relationship. I’ve also removed my Fosstodon account from my phone, so I only really check that when I’m at my computer, which again, feels more healthy as that’s far more of a time sink.

Best,

Kev

From: Andre Schaapherder
To: Kev Quirk
Subject: RE: Penpal for august checking in
Date: 24 August 2024

Hey Kev,

Totally understand dropping the PenPals; there's only so much time in a day. And it is your call anyway.

The trip in the US is going fine, thanks. We are in the US for over a week now. After we landed at JFK and picked op our car we decided to have a small dinner at my daughter's appartment in Brooklyn (how coll is that :-) before we drove off south towards Cherry Hill for the night and on to Washington DC the next day where we did the tourist thing. We then drove down to Charlotte the day after. The BoA office looks beautiful against the night sky :-) Charlotte is beautiful but we were not impressed by the lack of a city center/streets with resaturants/bars. Used as we are to european cities and NY the (southern?) american way is not our thing; needing a car just to get anywhere, even in a city, is a bit alien to us. We left Charlotte (and our oldest daughter) this morning and drove up to Virginia Beach. We will drive back to NY to spend the rest of the week there and head back to Europe on Saturday.

Are you flying directly to Charlotte? We flew from Brussels to JFK and it is a long but uneventful flight. A few podcasts, a book and some music and before you know it it is time to land.

I am curious where you will go with the kids. Apart from the longer Africa trips we often split the holidays into two parts when they were young, one week on a camping (rent a cottage/chalet or whatever they call it) for them and one week at a quieter place. Smaller campings in the early years and more and more an isolated house with swimming pool when they got older. France is great fot that. Last years it's mostly renting a house in a smaller city somewhere on the coast in Spain so the girls could get around by themselves. Whatever works for you as a family, don't be afraid to try; there is always something in the area you can go to to spend a day and break up the week. Oh, and a large resort does not mean you cannot go out and visit a city center (get some ice cream while looking around) or do some rowing on a river or some tree climbing or other activity. We even did zoo's and aquaria. That also helps the kids to adjust to new things.

When I am back I will take anther look at 500.social; I do like smaller groups but I don't like very small groups. I will just have to check it out I guess. I have surprised myself already by sticking to a regular read up on whatever is appearing on my Mastodon timeline so far.

Cheers,
André

From: Kev Quirk
To: Andre Schaapherder
Subject: RE: Penpal for august checking in
Date: 28 August 2024

Hey Andre,

I’ve heard a few people talk about the lack of pavement/sidewalks in American cities - that would be a huge deal breaker for me. Not being able to leave your home and go exploring is just crap. We need to stop building cities that revolve around cars…anyway, I’ll get off my soapbox. :)

I’m flying to Heathrow first, then direct to CLT. It’s a business class flight, so should be relatively comfortable.

We’re really not sure where to go with the kids - we’re thinking maybe somewhere on the Greek coast, but we’re still researching. I think we’ve decided on a smaller resort that’s near a town, so we can go exploring and there’s stuff to keep the kids entertained. I think that will be a good compromise all round.

This is likely to be the last chance I get to email before the end of August, so I just wanted to say thanks for being a part of this little experiment. It’s been really good getting to know you more.

Hope the rest of the US trip is uneventful.

Best,

Kev

From: Andre Schaapherder
To: Kev Quirk
Subject: RE: Penpal for august checking in
Date: 29 August 2024

Hey Kev,

We have been on that soapbox the last weeks; Charlotte does have a lot of sidewalks in the suburbs but there is nothing you can walk to ... yu need a car to reach anything most of the time. What we really missed overthere is streets with restaurnts and bars like we have in most european cities and here inn New York. There are enough restaurants and bars but you have to drive to them. New York has a lot of sidewalks of course and even though it is crazy to drive a car in New York the city is full of 'm (pushes soapbox behind the curtain for now).

Hmm, Heathrow to CLT is an option as well, we are exploring routes for our daughter to come home over Christmas.

Greek coast is a lovely destination, we have been to several islands in the past but that was without children. Just keep in mind that Greece can get hot in the summer.

Thanks for setting up this experiment and giving me the opportunity to be a part of it. I really enjoyed it!

Hope your trip to Charlotte is uneventful, our trip is nearing it's end as we will fly back on Sept 1.

Best regards,
André