When Was I Happiest?
My wife recently asked me at what point in my life was I the happiest. The answer surprised her.
First, a little context. I’m currently in my early 40s. I’m married with 2 kids, many pets, and lots of other responsibilities. According to this site I am in the top 1% of earners in the UK (that’s not a flex - the relevance will become apparent later).
So 2 lovely kids, lots of animals, a beautiful home in the countryside, nice cars on the drive, and 2 motorbikes in an incredible garage. I should be the happiest I’ve ever been, right?
Wrong.
The happiest I’ve ever been was when I was in my mid 30’s, when it was just me, my wife, and 1 dog (who’s now getting very old and it breaks my heart). Back then I was earning around £100,000 less than I earn today. We lived in a much smaller house. We had older cars that needed regular repairs and maintenance. Generally speaking money was tighter, we had 1 pet, no kids.
But life was simpler then. I worked in a role I enjoyed and was good at, with far less stress (I’ve recently taken steps to get some of that balance back). We would go for long walks with the dog at weekends, then cuddle up on the sofa in the evening to watch a film with a glass of wine. I had time to exercise, to visit friends, to just do what I wanted.
This was when I was at my happiest, and it really shocked my wife.
So you regret having the kids and you’re now unhappy?
That was her response, and she was so wrong.
Happiness is a scale
The misunderstanding here is that happiness is binary. You’re either happy, or unhappy. But that’s simply not true. I’m happy now, but I was happier then.
How could I be unhappy now? Sure I have a stressful job, far less free time, and a dog that I love dearly that only has a couple years left if we’re very lucky. But I also have 2 wonderful kids, a beautiful and supportive wife, and many other animals that I also love. We also have money in the bank, which lets us do nice things without worrying. We have security.
The rare times when my wife and I do get to curl up on the sofa with the dogs and a glass of wine mean far more to us these days, as they’re so rare.
But the simplicity of my life a decade ago made me so much happier. I don’t wish I’d stayed there, though. Life moves on. We mature, we progress, we change. And I’m happy those things have happened to me, and continue to happen to me.
My hope now is that my kids will grow up and start their own lives. My wife and I will pay off the mortgage on our house and (hopefully) retire in our mid-late 50s. At which point life will become simpler again and we can enjoy each other’s company for many more years. And as we grow old together, we can look back on a life that was well-lived, and happy. That’s enough for me.