Career Snakes & Ladders
After years of climbing the ladder in cyber, I’ve learned that sometimes the best move isn’t up. It’s stepping back to make life sustainable again.
The corporate ladder is less of a climb and more of a game of Snakes & Ladders. Moments of progress, setbacks, and the occasional lucky roll where everything just seems to align. Sometimes you go up, sometimes it’s a move sideways, and sometimes it’s a move down.
The climb never ends
In August 2024 I was offered a promotion at work that moved me from a “senior manager” position to an “executive” position. It came with all the cool perks one would think an exec-level role should come with; a nice corner office, a personal assistant, the kudos of being one of a few very senior people, and of course a salary to match.
I took the role, but the expectations of a senior manager versus an executive are very different. I work for an American company, so a lot of the people I work with are based across the US. That means lots of late evenings.
But I also have a team in Singapore, so that means early mornings too. Then there are my teams in the UK, Ireland, and India, so I’m busy during my core working hours as well.
Running a global team is hard enough, but add to that the fact that I work in the cyber security industry for a large American bank that’s a huge target. Shit gets busy.
Then layer on top of that regular travel to America, a young family at home, lots of pets to look after, and a disabled brother who my mum and I both care for. It’s a lot.
Re-framing success
When I took the role, I had a feeling that this promotion might be a step too far. I knew what I was getting myself into, but I had to give it a try to see if I could do it. I’m one of only two executives within the cyber team where I’m based, the other being nearly 20 years my senior. This was a huge mark of success for me, and I was incredibly proud of what I’d achieved.
But as time went on and I spent more time at my desk and less time with my loved ones, it became clear that I needed to re-frame my measure of success. Plus, I was burning out.
I vividly remember the moment it clicked that I was messing things up. I’d had a string of particularly late evenings working on a project we’d been running for a few months. It was a Thursday evening, and I signed off around 9pm. On a Thursday, my kids have swimming practice and it’s usually a late night for them. They got home at around the same time I signed off, and my youngest came up to me, gave me a big hug and told me he’d missed me.
I didn’t understand. I asked why he’d missed me when I hadn’t been anywhere. He said:
Yeah you have. You’ve been in America again, haven’t you?
I hadn’t been in America. I’d just been working such long hours that I hadn’t seen the kids for four days.
It wasn’t a dramatic “breakdown” moment, just a calm clarity. The realisation that being present with my loved ones matters more than being important.
Stepping down, not away
So I decided that the exec role wasn’t for me and it was time to step back to a senior manager position with a smaller scope, less stress, and most importantly, more balance. This wasn’t a failure or a retreat, but a deliberate move toward sustainability.
I set up some time with my manager and broke the news to her. She told me she understood my decision, that I’d clearly put a lot of thought into it, and she was happy to support my stepping down.
We agreed that she would speak with HR and make the arrangements so I could transition out of the role while supporting whoever took over from me. We estimated six months for this process to happen.
But then my sister took her own life and everything was turned upside down. While off on bereavement leave, I caught up with my manager and explained that I needed to take a step back ASAP because I didn’t have the capacity to carry on with the exec role.
She was a few steps ahead of me and had already arranged cover so I could step down. A week later, I did.
I’ve never felt so supported by any employer I’ve ever had. Anyone who’s worked for a large enterprise will know that things move glacially slow, so for my manager to get this squared away in a couple of weeks felt like she’d moved mountains for me.
That right there is the kinda shit that makes me want to work somewhere for the rest of my career. The pay, the benefits, the corner office — it’s all just bullshit and noise. The work is important, but the humans are what matter most.
Redefining what winning looks like
Sometimes sliding down a rung is exactly what keeps you in the game. I’d much rather be in the game, albeit having slid down a snake, than be up another rung of the ladder; overworked, miserable, stressed, burned out.
As a result of all this, I’ve realised that success isn’t just about upward motion. It’s about endurance, purpose, and perspective. It’s about being content in the work we do. Being challenged but not overworked. And most importantly, being in a position to spend time with loved ones.
Because let’s be honest, people: no one ever lay on their deathbed and thought “I wish I’d joined that meeting at 9pm.” But I’m sure plenty of people have laid there thinking “I wish I’d spent more time with my wife and kids…” I refuse to be that person.
So I’m now back to being a senior manager and proud to be doing the work I do. More importantly though, I’m still in the game, just playing it on my own terms.
After years of climbing the ladder in cyber, I’ve learned that sometimes the best move isn’t up. It’s stepping back to make life sustainable again.